Happiness is not important

"Would I be happier as a jet ski trainer in the Bahamas?"

This question haunted me in 2020. I wasn't literally thinking about dropping everything and moving to the Bahamas. It was more the framing. Doesn't that life seem simpler? Who wouldn't want to hang out in paradise with your only responsibility to be helping people who are happy to be there? And whenever you want you jet around in the ocean!

Similarly around that time I noticed a meme starting to form in my professional community (specifically r/sysadmin). The joke was that everyone was going to become a goat farmer when they retired. While funny for a variety of reasons it did draw upon something real. That is a return to work that "mattered." No angry users, no corporate BS, no longer having to constantly stay up to date with the industry. Pure simplicity. You manage goats. That's it. Great!

After years of testing myself against these concepts they haven't really stuck. Why not? I could be happy in the Bahamas or as a goat wrangler. Probably really happy even!

Turns out that in practice happiness is not the most important thing. As a young adult–especially a sad one like I was–it sure felt like it was the most important. Happiness was always fleeting. It was a whisper in a loud crowd that you had to try hard to hear.

For me I've found great joy in complexity, joy in providing, joy in the experience. There was a time when I thought the pinnacle of happiness was getting black out drunk with some friends. How shallow and unsustainable! And more importantly it was never something I questioned. This is just what you do, right?

I lacked a mission. That's the great conclusion of all of this. So simple to say, yet so hard to arrive to. Of course years ago maybe I knew that was the answer intellectually. I just could never perceive the raw effort and time it would take to get there.

No, maximizing happiness isn't the goal for me. Life isn't a machine that can be optimized perfectly.

There is a madness in saying the goal is to be unhappy. Naturally there is a self-care element here to maintain sanity. That said, there have been times where I've sacrificed self-care and have found immense happiness on the other side of that sacrifice. It is a tricky line to walk and everyone's mileage may vary.

I want to maximize how much of a blessing I am. A blessing to my friends, family, community, and myself. More often than not that requires periods of unhappiness.

So would I be happier as a jet ski trainer in the Bahamas?

Not at all.